I have always told a much-edited version of how KC and I got
engaged. Much edited. Because of this, I’m sure it was never clear to anyone
why the way he proposed was the perfect way. The story I’ve told goes something
like this.
I was in town visiting KC in July. We’d been dating for 2
months. He planned a fun date heading up to scout camp for the last flag
ceremony (I think that’s what it was. My memory on that is a little hazy.) After
everything was over, we headed home and got to talking about stuff. We got back
to my parents and decided to keep talking out on the lawn on a blanket. The
moment felt right and he whispered to me, asking me to marry him. I wasn’t sure
I heard him right and made him repeat the question. I grinned and said yes.
Here we are today.
Obviously, this story is missing the details regarding why
the moment felt right. Here’s a hint. It wasn’t because “romance” or whatever.
But I should back up to when we started dating.
Now, I’m going to skip a lot of details because otherwise
this story would be a freaking novel. Suffice to say that we went out on two
dates in two days, then I bugged him until he came over to hang out with my
family the third day, a Sunday. At this point, I knew I liked him, but thanks to
freaking chastity lessons (used up gum/licked twinkie lessons, “no one will
want you” kind of things), I felt that I had to disclose parts of my past so
that he could make an informed decision. (I wish I had known that NOBODY has any business knowing my sexual history if I don't want them to know.) So, I shared with him that I had had
sex with an ex-boyfriend in the past. He didn’t care at all and we started
dating. As he was leaving that night, he asked permission to kiss me. That was
my first hint that I had made the right choice in choosing to date him. Later
that week, he asked permission to hold my hand.
I have been more open about my story in the last year, but
in case you somehow missed it, let me add a few things right here. I was raped
many many times by an ex-boyfriend, Kameron. It started out with a lack of
affirmative consent, but when I finally started to fight back and say no, he
forcibly held me down and raped me. After that relationship, I felt broken and
unlovable. This was made worse by all my next boyfriends, who, upon me
disclosing my sexual past (though I didn’t realize that it was rape yet, so all
they knew was that I had had sex), would all push my boundaries and touch my
breasts and vagina. They never asked permission and I didn’t know I could say
no, nor did I know that it was sexual assault. I always felt violated but I
thought it must have been my fault somehow.
KC asked permission before even kissing me, even though we
were officially dating. Knowing that I wasn’t a virgin, he never once pushed my
boundaries or made me uncomfortable. Two months into our relationship, I was
starting to realize that I had been raped before. On the ride down the mountain
the night we got engaged, I broke down crying and told KC about the rape and
abuse I experienced during the last month of my relationship with Kameron. I realized
just this weekend that I broke down crying and told KC about it because I knew
I could trust him. I knew I could be vulnerable and he would never take advantage
of it. Sitting on the blanket outside my parents’ home, I felt like I was starting
to be whole again. That was the moment KC surprised us both by proposing. He
knew it was the right moment and he went for it.
I wouldn’t be where I am today without KC. I am healing
because he has shown me what a relationship should be like. He encourages me to
make myself happy. He pushes me to succeed in my goals and dreams in life. He
reassures me when I'm doubting myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. I have changed so much
since I started dating him. I have become who I’ve always wanted to be.
