Men and Dating - Series 1 Episode 7

Being Touchy Feely or Physicalness in dating -

Read the pamphlet “For the Strength of Youth” if you want to know what is appropriate here. I’m not going to tell you what is right or wrong. That pamphlet does a fine enough job of that. What I’m going to rant about is simple things like holding hands and cuddling. Things that aren’t bad in and of themselves but that have the potential to cause discomfort for some girls (such as myself).

On simple dates - If it’s just a date, where the two of you are friends and nothing more regardless of what either of you wants to be, DON’T hold hands. DON’T cuddle. To me, those are things for when you are steady dating. I know some people differ on that opinion, but it makes me uncomfortable to really have any physical contact beyond a hug at the end of the night.

Since not all girls enjoy touchy feely stuff (as that’s what I call any contact beyond a hug, like hand-holding or ESPECIALLY cuddling), guys are just going to have to get to know the girl first before they figure out if it’s ok or not. I hate touchy feely-ness. It’s annoying and uncomfortable. Have you gotten that idea yet?

Steady dating - This is where it is ok and probably expected to be cuddling and such. I’ll give some people that. I still hate touchy feely-ness even when dating someone. My last boyfriend was way too touchy feely. I hated it. There were some times when I literally told him to leave me alone and had to shove him away. I don’t think he understood just how much I hated it.

One thing I hate about it is how yucky it looks to others. Some people just look cute together. I remember before my sister-in-law and my brother got married, I just watched and waited to see them kiss. They were adorable! And one night, one of my brothers asked Emily to read him a story. He brought over The Lorax. Jonathan laid his head in her lap while she read it aloud. I think my little brother got bored and ran off before too long but Emily finished reading the story. That was the most cuddly those two ever got that I can remember and it was just darling. Then there are those couples that just cling to each other and everyone just looks away in embarrassment for them.

I think the difference between the two is this: Jonathan and Emily love each other. They don’t need to be constantly kissing or touching each other to let people know of their love. The nasty couples, as I usually call them, don’t really love each other. There might be love in their relationship but their relationship is built on physicalness and all that leads to, if given enough time, is trouble. These are the couples who absolutely cannot wait to get married because of the trouble they would get in if they had to wait. I’ll talk more about love later and touch up more on this particular topic but suffice it to say that a relationship needs to built on more than the touchy feely aspect.

So guys, get to know the girls before holding their hands and kissing them and whatnot. A hug is fine. I hug my friends all the time. Just get to know her. The other day, a friend of mine went on a date with a guy she wasn’t sure would let her have personal space or not. I’m told that he asked her permission before even putting his arm around her during a movie! Talk about bonus points! I can approve of a guy like that.

Girls, let your guy know if he gets too close. Don’t give him the wrong impression. If you don’t want him to hold your hand, don’t let him. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps he’s just used to girls who hold hands on the first date (or second or third as the case may be). I know several girls who think holding hands on the first date is fine regardless of whether or not you plan on steady dating the guy. That’s their opinion. Let the guy know if you disagree.

And please, PLEASE don’t be a nasty couple. Or I might puke. Seriously.

~Rose